After penning my note about springtime duck shenanigans, it turns out that ducks can suffer dire consequences as a result of overindulgence. Yesterday afternoon when Jane was herding the ducks into their secure anti-raccoon fortress, she noticed something dangling out of Perfect Man. Pink and fleshy, it resembled a bit of innard or a giant earthworm.
She wondered if it could possibly be his manly bit, swinging in the breeze. I confess I had stopped reading the duck books at the point when they say 'duck sex organs are internal in both males and females' and I never really thought about how, exactly, that all works in there in the dark place beyond the cloaca. I certainly couldn't remember reading anything about the insides coming out.
After successfully avoiding any of the (many) questionable websites out there that pop up when one searches for terms like 'protruding drake penis', I discovered all kinds of fascinating things about duck and drake anatomy. The fact that any ducklings are ever conceived is nothing short of miraculous! Which doesn't stop them from trying, and this overexertion is one of the things that can cause a prolapsed phallus in a drake.
Further reading (and some of that was quite interesting as various worried homesteaders asked other homesteaders what to do about their ducks' dingly dicks...) revealed that if caught quickly (which was the case here) and if there isn't any damage to the member (there wasn't) you follow these steps to remedy the situation:
1. Catch and restrain the duck (remember, we have mighty large muscovy ducks with talons they know how to use). We donned body armor and long gloves and cornered our patient in the duck pen.
2. Wash the exposed member. (While restraining struggling duck and being very careful not to have an eye gouged out. This was probably a six person job, but Jane and I managed admirably well by using Jane's yoga-honed muscles to hold Perfect Man and a very clever device procured at Dig This. It's a perforated screw top that's meant to go on a 2-liter pop bottle, to be used for delicately watering seedlings. Having just started seedlings, I had that all ready to go. A little warm water and, voila, a perfect duck shower for delicate body parts.)
3. Liberally apply antibiotic ointment. (Unrepeatable lubrication quips accompanied this part of the procedure).
4. Gently push the phallus back inside. (You have GOT to be kidding!!) But, yes, indeed, that's what had to be done - which was a bit like pushing a slippery, floppy bit of limp spaghetti through a very narrow, wiggling opening while dodging knife blades flung by an angry toddler... or something... Let's just say that was not the most fun I have ever had on the farm.
5. Hold your breath and stare at your drake's back end and hope the wayward phallus doesn't pop out again.
6. Keep drake in isolation for several weeks so he isn't tempted to over-extend himself again. Watch for signs of infection.
Yikes! So, Perfect Man is in a temporary pen away from the rest of the flock while he heals up and we decide what the best course of action is from here. As of the late night feed last night, he seemed to be fine (this determined by me lying flat on the ground beside his cage in the orchard, pointing the beam of my flashlight up under his belly.) I shall report on any further developments...
Oh Nikki what an unusual, post and task! I shall have to read up on the anatomy of male ducks. You should be awarded an honorary veterinary medal for handling that situation. Perfect Man was very lucky to have you and Jane to notice and remedy his problem!
ReplyDeleteWell so far, so good! Though, he isn't very happy about being kept away from the ladies! And, the ladies aren't overly impressed about being kept away from Perfect Man! All day long there's a steady parade of visitors past his pen. There's a lot of beak-clacking, whispered quacking, and tail-wiggling going on, but fortunately, the fence is holding and all parties are staying on their designated sides!
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